Very Deep Feelings

So this is my first 'blog' and I've wanted to write one for a while, I mean I do vlogs but that's not the same, I feel like its easier to write out in detail what I want to say rather than speak it. Especially when I get really focused into the writing, once I'm in that mind set I can write and write and write.

Now I'm no professional write or 'vlogger' or anything, I just do what I do and enjoy it. I don't see the point in living your life if you're not going to enjoy most of it, if not all of it. I mean seriously, why go through life upset or depressed. And I know what your thinking, who are you to talk about what people can and can't do, or how you can be so insensitive about depression, Well I can, I have personal experience with depression...

I was living in North Wales, I had a great group of friends and family who all loved me and cared for me but I was feeling lonelier and lonelier. I was falling into a black hole and saw no escape. I wasn't eating, I was self harming, I was holding all of my thoughts and feelings to myself, and on top of my feelings I had everyone else's. I do not blame anyone but my self for getting that deep down, but I don't think they helped, my friends used to almost force feed me thinking that that was the best way to help me eat, but if anything it just made me worse. They used to bring up my self harming and question why I did it, and when I answer, truthfully, that I didn't know, that it was a way of getting all of my feelings out at that certain time because I had no one to talk to, they would just say that's not a good enough answer, or say well you could've talked to me and I'm always here for you. I find that they were just being 'good friends' saying I could've talked to them, as when I tried to talk them, the subject always changed and I ended up helping them, and I came away feeling worse!

Now I am so much better, I moved to Milton Keynes last September, went to study Production arts. Met so many lovely people, got and lost jobs, I am so much healthier. I've had an amazing summer. I've got a (hopefully) permanent (for now) job at Lidl, And I have recently change courses and I am now studying Photography, I am biking everywhere, I'm eating so well as I've recently become a vegan. Live is just good at the moment. So to everyone who is down, don't be things can get better and will :) Speaking from experience. So please do what you want and live your life, but if you're not happy and can do something about it, do it! You will be glad you did, and if you need any help or advice I am here, but please bare in mind I am NOT a professional, far from it, but I am someone who has been there, and knows how it feels having some one to talk to who actually listens.

I know this has been a very low starting point, but its a story I like getting off my chest, and feel better for it.
I hope this helps some people, and if not and you are dealing with these things, please please it will get better.
Live the Life you Love, Love the Life you Live.
Love and All of Space
Hazel xx